IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP…

1.  You can be yourself!

• You can express yourself honestly.
• You can be different from one another and enjoy those differences.
• Your partner appreciates you for who you are.
• You are glad to have your partner’s support, but don’t need approval.

2.  You feel free to…

• Spend time apart.
• Enjoy other friends.
• Be with your family.
• Stay true to your own values.
• Speak your honest opinion.
• Keep up with the activities and interests that are important to you.

3.  Your partner hears what you say.

• Your partner shows interest in you by taking the time to listen.
• Your partner looks at you when you talk and lets you finish.
• Your partner accepts your feelings, ideas and opinions as your own.
• When one of you is upset, you feel safe enough to talk things out in a respectful manner.

4.  You can agree to disagree.

• You can each give a little to come to an agreement or take turns making decisions.
• If you have a disagreement, you talk it out and don’t let anger build up.

5.  Your partner respects your boundaries.

You can say:

• “I can’t be with you every minute.”
• “Don’t tease me in that way.”
• “I don’t want to have sex.”
• “I can’t make a decision right now.  I need to think.”

With your partner, you feel connected not controlled.

6.  You are honest with each other.

You build trust by being honest and kind, even if the truth is disappointing.

For example:

• “I forgot. You are right to be upset.  I’m sorry.”
• “I like you but I’m not sure how serious I want to be.  Let’s take our time and see how things work out.”

Your partner is responsible for his or her own behavior and doesn’t blame others.

7.  You have fun together.

• You can relax, laugh and enjoy everyday simple things together.  For example, you enjoy a walk to a park or a cookout with family.
• Being quiet together is ok too.  You don’t feel you have to talk or be busy every minute.

8.  Your partner uses language that lifts you up.

Words that:

• Encourage: “I believe you can do it!”
• Notice: “I like how you are patient with your grandmother.”
• Respect: “I’ll put on these earphones so you can read.”
• Appreciate: “Thank you for helping out.”
• Invite: “Would you like to go to the festival tomorrow?”
• Point out the positive: “You have a great smile!”

9.  You take your time.

• You take the time to get to know each other and what each of you values.
• You talk about where you think your relationship might go and how it might be different in a month or a year.
• You accept that we all grow and change – and relationships do too.

SIGNS OF AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

A RELATIONSHIP IS UNHEALTHY IF YOUR PARTNER:

• Makes fun of or insults your thoughts, ideas or beliefs.
• Criticizes you or calls you names.
• Tries to keep you from friends or activities you like.
• Doesn’t respond when you talk or ignores you.
• Always has to win a discussion or argument.
• Threatens, scares or harms you in any way.
• Forces you to do something you don’t want.

If you are concerned about your relationship, talk to a health care provider or counselor.  They can refer you to help and support in your community.

 

Contents excerpted from the pamphlet “9 Signs of a Healthy Relationship” ISBN 978-1-56885-512-5, Copyright 2008. Excerpted with permission. All rights reserved. www.healthpublications.com